Valentine’s Day disappointment

What’s the BEST way to find love today?

Feb 12, 2012 By midlifecrisisqueen in Falling in love, Finding love again, Finding love late in life, How to find love again, love as your top priority, Midlife love, Renewed faith in love, Stepping outside of your box 1 Comment Tags: are you serious about finding love?, best way to find love today, e harmony, how do couples meet?, love at first sight?, matchmaking American-style, online dating services, Valentine's Day disappointment

Just viewed a fascinating segment on the “Science of Love” on CBS Sunday Morning.

There they looked at whether using algorithms like E-Harmony and Match.com use to match customers, work any better than dumb luck.

First of all, contrary to urban legend, only 20% of new relationships begin from online dating services at present, even though there are now more than 1,000 different kinds.

Some use complicated mathematical formulas to help match you with just the right person, but according to a new study, online dating is only number two in matchmaking America-style. Meeting through mutual friends is still the number one most popular way to meet a mate.

The scientists, whose research is slated for publication in Psychological Science in the Public Interest, reviewed over 400 psychology studies and public interest surveys. In one study, they found that in a single month in 2011, nearly 25 million unique users around the world were online dating.

If you are truly serious about meeting someone wonderful this year, perhaps you should consider investing more of your time and money in an old fashioned, one-on-one matchmaker. Ann Wood, age 79, has been doing this kind of work in the Washington, D.C. area for decades. She charges $1000/year, and her only caveat is, “I can’t help stupid people.”

Of course, it always helps if you BELIEVE IN LOVE to begin with!

HOW MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? 48% said YES 49% said NO

Have you lost your faith in love?

Feb 9, 2012 By midlifecrisisqueen in Dealing with lost faith in love, Divorce and recovery, Finding love again, Finding love late in life, getting past your past, How to find love again, Lost love, love as your top priority, Midlife love, Renewed faith in love, self-compassion and love, Self-respect and love No Comments Tags: Believe again!, Believe in love again, Blue Valentine, counseling psychology, inner wisdom, Valentine's Day disappointment

Valentine’s Day can be tough when you’re older, recently divorced or widowed, and wondering what’s next. I know I felt pretty certain my “love life” was over when I divorced at 46. Then I lost my job a few years later.

Going only on my crazy desire to try something completely different, I started my own dating service.

There I spent months learning from hundreds of singles what it feels like to know that you are too young to give up on love, but also afraid that you may be too disillusioned to ever believe in love again. What I discovered is that there are quite a few of us who have lost our faith in love, and that included me.

So I got busy and figured out how to change. With my natural stubborn streak and a solid background in counseling psychology, I used decades of personal experience with love and disappointment to turn my attitude around. I first began to fully value my mysterious intuitive personal guidance system, and stopped interrupting it with more “rational” assessments. I also acknowledged how important it was for me to forgive myself for everything in my past.

Slowly I created a formula which included finding compassion and self-respect for where I was at. Then I found some creative ways to love myself into believing in love again. I saw that I felt afraid of love for many good reasons, so I began searching out those experiences in my past that were keeping me stuck in my old way of thinking. I began to focus on my own unique shame and trust issues, and then slowly forgave myself for past mistakes, utilizing cathartic techniques to change my beliefs about what love might have to offer me now.

I knew I was on the right track when I met the love of my life a few months later! Eight months after that fateful meeting I married again for keeps, and six years after that I completed my book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.

Pick it up when you are ready to acknowledge that you have lost your faith in love, and getting it back it your highest priority!