self-respect and love

Time to make peace with your past?

There is tremendous freedom in forgiving and letting go.  Is it now time to make peace with your past?

Is there room in your heart to forgive?

Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your head.  I found my only path to believing in love again, was to first forgive myself for trusting the wrong people in my past.

Then I found ways to forgive past lovers who had betrayed me.  Holding on to bad feelings only made me continue to feel bad about myself and my potential to ever find love again.

I would continually ask myself questions like: “How could I have been so naive?  Why didn’t I see what I was doing?  Why did I trust that person?”

These are the kinds of questions that can drive you crazy, so you must find a way to let them go.  Those are the kinds of lessons found in my book. 

We all have many lessons to learn in this lifetime, and sometimes we learn them slowly.  But what is important is that we do learn and grow.

Once we begin to forgive ourselves for past mistakes, we naturally feel more self-compassion and respect.  We feel for the person we used to be, and we may even begin to like them.  Give your former Self a break.  Live and learn!

Whatever made you think you wouldn’t make mistakes in this lifetime?  You are only human.  The point is to be constantly learning and growing as a person, and one part of you that must grow is your compassion for your own humanness.

Then you are ready to begin forgiving the people from your past.  We were all young and silly once, we have ALL made a lot of mistakes.  In fact we will most certainly make many more in our future.  Is that OK?

Mistakes are the primary way in which we learn, so get used to it.  Try to find the humor in how very human we all are.

“Have a sense of gratitude to everything, even difficult emotions, because of their potential to  WAKE YOU UP.”   – Pema

Learn much more about dealing with shame and forgiveness by reading my book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening To Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.

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How to stop choosing the wrong partner

Find real love this time!

While I was putting together our latest Boomers’ Blog Carnival yesterday, I happened to begin reading one of my journals from my early thirties (I’m 56 now).  There I was reminded of how BAD I was at choosing appropriate love partners in my twenties and thirties.  BTW, my forties weren’t great either!

What did I finally learn to change this disturbing trend in my life?  In one word, an unwavering new sense of self-love and  SELF-RESPECT.  My standards were so low for so long when it came to expecting to be treated well by others.  I let far too many people walk all over me, without a clue of how badly I was treating myself!

To change this bad habit you need to stop and think about what you expect from those who care about you.  How do you expect to be treated?  Begin from how you treat yourself.  Do you love yourself and respect your own judgment?  Or do you constantly criticize and second-guess yourself?  One book I found extremely helpful in this regard is: How To Be An Adult in Relationships by David Richo.

Spend time reflecting on how you have been treating yourself all of your life, and where those behavior patterns came from.  Learn what it feels like to finally love and accept yourself, and then you will be so much closer to believing in love again, and finding it this time!

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