In any part of life, the crisis occurs when our self-image or the way we choose to see ourselves, conflicts with reality. This is the best description I can think of for that terrible feeling when we first realize we are being dumped.
We see ourselves in a certain way, and especially when we are in love. When we first fall in love and those endorphins start popping, we feel on top of the world! We may see ourselves as the most attractive, interesting person on the planet.
This may be a wee bit unrealistic, but it feels so good! And if we are fairly attractive to begin with, we may think everyone should be attracted to us. Unfortunately feelings like these can lead to a serious case of narcissism. What’s that? That’s someone with a very high opinion of their competence, those who feel innately superior to others. You know the type. Self-centered and egotistical are frequently used to describe narcissistic people.
What happens when we get dumped? Our carefully constructed image of who we are crumbles. Rejection hurts no matter what! And for the narcissist the fall is so much further because their denial of who they were to begin with was so unrealistic.
The best place to start is with a positive but not too inflated self-image. Granted this can be a tough conclusion to come to. We all want to feel good about ourselves and that’s a good thing, but unrealistic ideas or images of how we look or come across can lead to bad relationships. Spend the time to be honest with yourself.
Then, if your relationship should end, or your self-image begins to conflict with the opinion of your beloved, you still have a healthy opinion of who you are and what you have to give.
Most relationships don’t work out and at least half of marriages don’t either. But that does not mean you aren’t a good person who gave it your best shot. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Not all relationships are meant to last.
Think of all you have learned about yourself through the various relationships you have experienced. You are building a “love database” in your mind that will come in quite handy when you finally meet your match.