During her interview yesterday, Oprah asked the president and his wife what they know for sure about marriage. Excellent question!
What I know for sure, is that it can be either the very best or the worst experience of your entire life depending on where you are at personally. When you finally learn how to do it right though, it is so worth it!
My first marriage at age 39 was the worst! I remember it now as a constant barrage of criticism and shame. I don’t think my ex or “was-band” thought I could do anything right. I swear I even blew my nose wrong! And all of that blaming and shaming quickly undermined my fragile sense of self-confidence and self-respect.
Luckily I did get out of that marriage, but with my self-esteem badly damaged. For a few years afterward I chastised myself for staying in such a negative relationship. In other words negativity on top of negativity! Here’s a post about the process of escaping emotional abuse.
After that I did some serious work on myself, documented step-by-step in my new book How To Believe in Love Again. I have found that the only path to finding a good marriage is to first find a way to give yourself lots of heartfelt compassion and self-respect. In relationships you generally get what you are, so work on loving yourself fiercely!
After a few years I felt ready to try again. Then I met Mike through a strange series of coincidences. We both knew quite quickly that we were being offered a unique life experience, a positive love relationship. Six years later we feel even more devoted to each others’ success.
A good marriage is a marvelous gift that just keeps on giving!
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – Andre Maurois