Although it is generally the tragic love stories we relish, it’s a whole different story when you have to live them. Trust me, I know.
Being traumatized by love at an early age can be a setup for years, if not decades for painful memories which can sabotage your future in terms of finding and trusting in love again.
But there is hope to change this circumstance. Don’t get addicted to the sadness or use it as a permanent excuse to never trust again. Fight against it!
How? I have found that re-experiencing the trauma in a safe, cathartic setting can change your perspective on your past. Trauma specialists know that re-living the traumatic experience either in a Gestalt setting or through other means, can cause your mind to re-integrate the experience in a new and healing way. It is possible to change past trauma into useful life lessons, because as you re-experience it later, you realize all the new insights and resources you have today that you did not have when you first experienced it.
Here’s an example. As noted in my last post, I was traumatized by a tragic case of betrayal in my early twenties. For years after that experience I had no interest in finding love, because I felt certain that it could only lead to more pain. When I finally understood this fact, I decided the best way for me to change my perception and my feelings was by re-visiting “the scene of the crime.”
It wasn’t an easy decision but I did finally talk to the person who had hurt me so many years before. In my case, re-visiting my past helped me to fully understand what had happened between us, from both of our perspectives. This led to a re-integration of reality. In other words, I learned how to experience my past trauma in a different way, from the perspective of an older, more mature person. I realized for the first time, that I was actually lucky that things had turned out the way they did for me.
I was also quite fortunate that my past love was willing to talk honestly about our shared past. He had felt guilty for decades about all of this, and I believe our deep and honest discussions freed him up emotionally as well.
There is the possibility of healing past trauma and tragedy. Fight for your mental health and to feel GOOD about LOVE again! For more information do not miss the book I wrote about changing your mind about love: How To Believe In Love Again.