CBS Sunday Morning tackled the “Pursuit of Happiness” question yesterday, and found that Boulder, Colorado has the happiest people in the whole U.S.   This finding fascinated me because I lived in Boulder off and on from 1966 up until 1995. when I decided I didn’t find it all that pleasant anymore.  That’s when I moved up to Fort Collins, 50 miles north.

(Reminds me of a line from my first boyfriend, “If you aren’t happy with me, you’ll NEVER be happy!”  So glad I didn’t fall for that one!)

Boulder had come to seem a bit too crowded, polluted, self-absorbed and elitist for my taste.   Fort Collins folks seemed more like me, second or third generation farmers, not millionaires or billionaires from the east and west coasts.   The average home listing price in Boulder today is $673,000! And that’s for a fixer-upper!   When we moved up to Fort Collins we said, “OH BOY!!!  Houses are half price!”

How did CBS come to their conclusions about happiness?   By checking on the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being INDEX which measures factors like Life Evaluation, Emotional Health, Physical Health, Healthy Behavior, Work Environment, and Basic Access.   This index is the first-ever daily assessment of U.S. residents’ health and well-being.   By interviewing at least 1,000 U.S. adults every day, the Well-Being Index provides real-time measurement and insights needed to improve health, increase productivity, and lower health care costs.

I have come to my own conclusions about the pursuit of happiness, and these are hard won conclusions only come to after years, OK maybe decades, of off and on unhappiness.   The most important factor by far in determining my own happiness is the positive, loving relationships I maintain with myself and others.

First finding self-compassion and then maintaining loving connections with others is the root of all happiness.   All other factors like how well I take care of my physical health, how I evaluate my life, whether I choose healthy behaviors and whether I obtain right livelihood all depend on me first finding ways to connect with others in loving ways.

That is one of the reasons why I wrote How to Believe In Love Again. If you lose your ability to value yourself and love others, you truly are lost.   And the only way back is to re-discover the value of positive human connection.  Those are the lessons taught in my new book!

Reminds me of one of my favorite childhood sayings:

“It matters not what price you pay, you can’t get gladness ready-made.  To get the real and lasting kind, you have to grow it in your mind!”

And remember:  “Money can’t buy you love!”  (Ask Paul!)