how does love work?

Why would anyone fall in love with me?

Apr 26, 2012 By Laura Lee Carter in BAD relationships, Dealing with lost faith in love, Divorce and recovery, Finding love again, Finding love late in life, Fort Collins Author, Lost love, love as your top priority, Midlife love, Self-respect and love, taking a risk for love No Comments Tags: falling in love later, how does love work?, why would anyone love me?

I was thinking yesterday, how egotistical it is to believe that I could meet someone today, who suddenly could not live without me. It does seem like magical thinking, doesn’t it? I mean, what are the chances? Perhaps that is why we lose our faith in love. It just seems so unrealistic!

I know at age 46, after grieving my divorce, and then experiencing a job loss a few years later, the thought of someone falling in love with me was far from my reality. Why would anyone be interested in me? How could magic happen again?

That is partially the reason why I started my own dating service. I wanted to research and study how love works, and why so many of us lose faith in it.

From interviewing lots of others in my age group, many fairly recent divorcees, I saw how this works. We marry the first time believing in love. That is the story our culture tells us, plus we so want to believe!

But then things don’t work out. Perhaps love turns to disillusionment. Perhaps our spouse is unfaithful, super critical, or just plain mean. We divorce and feel certain that love is just an illusion created by Hollywood to sell things. Plus by then we may not be quite as attractive as we used to be, and then there’s all of that baggage we bring along with us.

See how we lose faith and maybe any interest in love in midlife? GET REAL! Why would anyone be interested in me now?

These are the questions that crop up, and they must be answered BEFORE you will ever find love again. Is love worth fighting for? Are you willing to take risks at this late date or have you thrown in the towel? Can you see yourself in love again or does that seem like the impossible dream?

These are also the exact same reasons why love does feel so magical when it happens past age 35 or 40. It feels like winning the lottery only better because against what seems like incredible odds, someone HAS fallen in love with YOU! Someone who has decades of life experience and plenty of baggage of his own wants YOU in his life, to make both of your lives better.

It is such a lovely feeling! TRUST ME!

Is there karma or justice in love?

Mar 24, 2012 By Laura Lee Carter in Divorce and recovery, Falling in love, Finding love again, Finding love late in life, How to find love again, love as your top priority, Midlife love, self-compassion and love, Self-respect and love No Comments Tags: How does love karma work?, how does love work?, inner wisdom, intuition, is there any justice in love?

I say YES and this is how it works:

You get what you are in love

If you have done no work on yourself. If you are a selfish, self-absorbed soul who thinks everyone else is here to serve you, you will attract that exact same type of person.

I call this the “I want what I want, and I want it now!” personality. If you tend to act like a five year old, don’t be surprised that you continually run into others who are just as selfish as you are.

If you decide to work on yourself through self-help books, counseling, etc. you may find the quality of those you attract also improves. Relationships act like mirrors in our lives, reflecting back our true self. If you wonder how you are doing, just take a hard look at the types of individuals you are presently attracting into your life.

You may believe you have made great progress, and then find that you continue to attract selfish, unsavory souls. This means you have still more to learn about yourself and your own motives in love.

Perhaps you need to forgive yourself for past mistakes in love and trust yourself more, or learn how to listen more deeply to your own inner wisdom or intuition.

These were the lessons I needed to learn to finally attract a much more attractive version of love into my life. These are also the lessons I teach in my new book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.