I am reading a marvelous book right now: 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice From The Wisest Americans. The first chapter, called “GREAT TOGETHER,” is advice from our elders about choosing the best life partner for yourself.
Lesson one is: Choose a partner with similar core values. Lesson two is: The importance of genuine friendship between life partners.
Lesson number three comes from one of my favorite Bonnie Raitt songs: “You can’t have love when you’re keeping score!”
What does that mean? One elder put it this way: “The only way you can make a marriage work is to have both parties give 100 percent all the time.” In other words, you both need an attitude of giving freely within the relationship. If you start keeping score, you’re both in big trouble!
Another eighty-six year old woman said, “Marriage is not a fifty-fifty situation. Sometimes it can be 90 percent to 10 percent. You have to keep giving a lot. You have to understand where the other person is coming from and give in at times. There are times when you give and times when he gives — you can’t sit around counting up who gets what.”
Wiser words were never spoken. And when you feel you have been treated unfairly or you just want to “win” this time, ask yourself, “Do you want to be right or do you want to stay married?” What are your priorities?