forgiving yourself

Divorce and Forgiveness

Let’s face it. Being eternally angry at your ex is the great American pastime.

Have you ever considered all of the angry feelings we are surrounded by as half of all American adults break up their marriages, and then try to find a way to get back at each other?   There’s a lot of ugliness out there, and it is all negative energy that is helping nobody get what they want out of life.

The only way to convert all of that negativity into something good is by first forgiving yourself for being human. As a human being you have made a mistake.  Now you are ready to learn much more about who you are, to make certain you  never make THAT mistake again.

Under your anger is boundless pain and frustration, and underneath all of that is a small child who made a bargain to be loved, appreciated and understood and now feels absolute betrayal.  You trusted the wrong person with your heart, your dreams and your sense of self, and they bashed it to bits.  What now?

A long period of grieving is in order.  Do whatever it takes to love your Self now.  Take long walks alone or with friends, get back into those hobbies you used to enjoy, get a loving pet or two who will show you boundless, abiding loyalty, and write in your journal about how unfair life can be at times.  Listen to music and watch movies that help you believe in love again!

Get angry at your ex, but realize the sooner you find a way to forgive them, the sooner you will be ready to move on to a better life.  Forgiveness can be such an empowering experience as you finally let go of the emotions of your past.

You gave your power away to someone who did not appreciate you. Perhaps they didn’t even have the potential to love at all.  By forgiving them, you are ready to  fully acknowledging how destructive they were to you and your self-respect.

Now it’s time to welcome back that positive, powerful person you were BEFORE the marriage and the divorce.  Time to be YOU again!

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

The journey back to self-acceptance

Please enjoy a short excerpt from my new book How To Believe in Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom.

No matter how hard one searched, one could not
find anyone in the universe more deserving of love
than oneself.     ~Buddha

Who you are is not the problem – even though you may have heard that your whole life.   This is about everything you’ve done right, not about what you’ve done wrong.

The more you believe in yourself, the better you perform in every part of your life.  Our belief system equals our reality, and is a combinations of our ideas, thoughts, and experiences.  These all combine to determine who we believe ourselves to be.

The journey back to believing in love again must begin with finding a new and much higher level of self-respect.  The secret to letting go of all the hurt and betrayal you may have suffered in your past is the slow, gentle process of giving yourself heartfelt compassion for all you have endured at the hands of others.

At the time of my own separation and divorce, I needed to spend a few years first simply grieving the loss of the dream.  We all have inside of us some dream of what a loving, positive relationship should look and feel like.

The end of any important relationship is traumatic.  Even friendly divorces can be difficult.  It may not even be about the end of a relationship that we found destructive and therefore needed to end.   It may be about the loss of the dream of what love might have been, how it could have made our lives more bearable and more worthwhile.

When I was in the process of learning how to love myself after my own divorce, I found Gloria Steinem’s book Revolution from Within very useful.    I especially enjoyed her idea of accessing your past self for a heart-to-heart talk.

She suggested imagining you are looking your past self in the eyes.  How do you feel about her? What would you like to say to her now?   I found Gloria’s words helpful when I looked back over my life and reflected on the sad, shy girl I used to be:

“She’s doing the best she can.  She’s survived—and she’s trying so hard.  Sometimes I wish I could go back and put my arms around her.”

I found these words to be soothingly cathartic.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS