I spent a pleasant evening last night with a local Rotary Club, explaining what a midlife crisis really is. Most of them had some idea, although I felt a little bit of uncomfortableness in the room when I mentioned my own experience with feeling like a loser.
Nobody ever WANTS to feel like a loser, but there is a special kind of camaraderie among those of us who are honest enough to admit we have had this unwelcome feeling about ourselves. Of course, it’s completely un-PC to talk about with others. WE are all supposed to act upbeat even when we don’t feel that way. Depression is so unattractive. But my personal experience has taught me that the only way to get beyond bad feelings about myself is to first acknowledge them. The next step is to find a way to feel a deep sense of compassion towards myself, and everyone else who has ever felt this way
I know most would call that “feeling sorry for myself.” In response I would tell you what my therapist told me decades ago in this situation. I felt terrible, and I also felt embarrassed for feeling sorry for myself. When I told her that, she responded with, “At least you’re feeling SOMETHING for yourself!”
Allowing yourself to feel a genuine sense of sadness is the first step and the only way to change your feelings. Not acknowledging them, criticizing yourself and holding them in is the best way to remain stuck forever in anger, deep sadness or disillusionment. Feelings need to flow through us, but that can only happen when we allow ourselves to feel them completely, and then find a way to let them go.
I remember a time in my early thirties when I actually took time off from work to sit with my own feelings. There I learned that depression can be workable, but only by first accepting it’s power over us. When we take the energy and the time to finally surrender to our deepest feelings, we may eventually experience a break through to a better perspective on our lives and what’s next for us.
If you can relate to any of these feelings, perhaps my short e-book: Feel Like A Loser? could be of help. Finding a way to have all of your feelings and TRUST IN THEM is also a part of my message in How To Believe In Love Again.