Divorce and remarriage in your 40s and 50s
Do any of you remember the Ladies’ Home Journal column: “Can this marriage be saved?” I remember reading that column as a child, and even then I would wonder if the column should really be called, “SHOULD this marriage be saved?” Now many 50+ Baby Boomers are asking the same question, and they are deciding their answer is an emphatic “NO!”
The divorce rate doubled among those 50+ from 1990 to 2009!
Only 52% of American adults are married today, down from 72% back in 1970. Why is this? Partially because the severe stigma connected with divorce has changed in our country, especially among those 50+. Our new attitude is: why stay together when you no longer share anything in common?
It does not surprise me that more than half of marriages fail. Most young adults simply do not have the level of self-knowledge, maturity and self-respect needed to sustain an authentic positive and loving relationship over the long haul.
How many of us put all of our energy into understanding and appreciating this unique human being we have committed to through “thick and thin, in sickness and in health?” We all have our difficult moments when all seems lost or hopeless. We all have moments when our loved one does not seem all that lovable.
The way I measure any relationship is to ask myself this simple question: “Does being around this person give me energy or take it away?” My own perception of marriage is that it’s a great thing, but only if you find the right person, the one who improves your life on so many different levels.
What makes marriage work?
If you generally care about the other person’s needs more than your own, are good at working out your differences, share common interests, and your partner fills your needs and not just your wants, perhaps you should consider remarriage. If you desire the same kind of lifestyle in your future, and you make each other feel special in the long term, marriage may be a good choice for you both.
How do you feel about love now?
But if you have avoided involvement in relationships for the past few years, because of bad feelings about past mistakes in love, take some time to consider how you feel about love now. Are you feeling disillusioned with love? Explore those negative experiences from your past so you can fully understand how you lost your faith in love.
Only by first raising your awareness of your own personal roadblocks to trust and intimacy, and then creating new ways to work through these emotional obstacles, is it possible to access a healthier belief in the possibility that love might still be out there for you.
I found I needed to turn my beliefs around before I was able to embrace the idea of finally finding the best love of my life and then attracting that into my life. I knew I had changed. I was older AND wiser, but I also assumed I would never be happily married. Then I was ASTOUNDED to find new love at 49!
My book, How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom is about how I changed my mind about love as proper preparation for finding true love this time. Do the “soul surgery” you need to now, so you are ready when you meet the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life.
You can find that one who can change your life and your beliefs about love, but only by first becoming the person you are inside!