divorce and forgiveness

Time to make peace with your past?

Jul 22, 2012 By Laura Lee Carter in BAD relationships, Dealing with lost faith in love, Divorce and recovery, Fort Collins Author, getting past your past, How to find love again, Love and forgiveness, self-compassion and love, Self-respect and love No Comments Tags: bitterness and forgiveness, compassion for humanness, divorce and forgiveness, past mistakes, self-forgiveness, self-respect and love, what is a good marriage, wrong marriage

There is tremendous freedom in forgiving and letting go. Is it now time to make peace with your past?

Is there room in your heart to forgive?

Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your head. I found my only path to believing in love again, was to first forgive myself for trusting the wrong people in my past.

Then I found ways to forgive past lovers who had betrayed me. Holding on to bad feelings only made me continue to feel bad about myself and my potential to ever find love again.

I would continually ask myself questions like: “How could I have been so naive? Why didn’t I see what I was doing? Why did I trust that person?”

These are the kinds of questions that can drive you crazy, so you must find a way to let them go. Those are the kinds of lessons found in my book.

We all have many lessons to learn in this lifetime, and sometimes we learn them slowly. But what is important is that we do learn and grow.

Once we begin to forgive ourselves for past mistakes, we naturally feel more self-compassion and respect. We feel for the person we used to be, and we may even begin to like them. Give your former Self a break. Live and learn!

Whatever made you think you wouldn’t make mistakes in this lifetime? You are only human. The point is to be constantly learning and growing as a person, and one part of you that must grow is your compassion for your own humanness.

Then you are ready to begin forgiving the people from your past. We were all young and silly once, we have ALL made a lot of mistakes. In fact we will most certainly make many more in our future. Is that OK?

Mistakes are the primary way in which we learn, so get used to it. Try to find the humor in how very human we all are.

“Have a sense of gratitude to everything, even difficult emotions, because of their potential to WAKE YOU UP.” – Pema

Learn much more about dealing with shame and forgiveness by reading my book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening To Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.

Divorce and Forgiveness

Feb 29, 2012 By Laura Lee Carter in Dealing with lost faith in love, Divorce and recovery, getting past your past, self-compassion and love, Self-respect and love, Traumatized by love 2 Comments Tags: bitterness and forgiveness, divorce and forgiveness, forgiving yourself, self-forgiveness, the power of forgiveness

Let’s face it. Being eternally angry at your ex is the great American pastime.

Have you ever considered all of the angry feelings we are surrounded by as half of all American adults break up their marriages, and then try to find a way to get back at each other? There’s a lot of ugliness out there, and it is all negative energy that is helping nobody get what they want out of life.

The only way to convert all of that negativity into something good is by first forgiving yourself for being human. As a human being you have made a mistake. Now you are ready to learn much more about who you are, to make certain you never make THAT mistake again.

Under your anger is boundless pain and frustration, and underneath all of that is a small child who made a bargain to be loved, appreciated and understood and now feels absolute betrayal. You trusted the wrong person with your heart, your dreams and your sense of self, and they bashed it to bits. What now?

A long period of grieving is in order. Do whatever it takes to love your Self now. Take long walks alone or with friends, get back into those hobbies you used to enjoy, get a loving pet or two who will show you boundless, abiding loyalty, and write in your journal about how unfair life can be at times. Listen to music and watch movies that help you believe in love again!

Get angry at your ex, but realize the sooner you find a way to forgive them, the sooner you will be ready to move on to a better life. Forgiveness can be such an empowering experience as you finally let go of the emotions of your past.

You gave your power away to someone who did not appreciate you. Perhaps they didn’t even have the potential to love at all. By forgiving them, you are ready to fully acknowledging how destructive they were to you and your self-respect.

Now it’s time to welcome back that positive, powerful person you were BEFORE the marriage and the divorce. Time to be YOU again!