divorce and disillusionment
So many of you may wonder about this one. I know I had my own doubts back when I was recently divorced, feeling angry and bitter. Why bother?
But how can you even begin to consider this question realistically until you become more aware of how you got to this place of disillusionment?
Perhaps it was some extremely painful experience with unrequited love that convinced you to never give your heart again. Deep down in your unconscious, lurking quietly, there may be persistent and unfriendly voices that repeat over and over to never, ever trust another again with your heart.
Sometimes it feels like a permanent certainty that you do not deserve to meet someone who has the potential to love you unconditionally. Or perhaps you feel like you have done everything you can to improve yourself, but everyone else seems damaged beyond repair.
It is essential that each of us revisit our abandonment or betrayal stories, and especially the lessons we think we have learned from them. How have your perceptions of that story changed over the years? How about the deep and abiding shame you may feel from previous breakups? Has your self-concept changed since then? Do you need a reality check? Does that old rejection story hold far more power than it should in your present world?
Only by first raising your awareness of sensitive areas around your own personal roadblocks, and then creating new ways to work through past emotional obstacles, is it possible to access a healthier belief in all that love might have to offer you now.
That is why I wrote How To Believe In Love Again, to help you become a private detective in service to your own self-awareness and self-development. I found it essential to forgive myself and others to begin to trust again, but it was only when I began to listen to my inner wisdom that my life began to change in many important ways.
If you wish to gather a deeper understanding of why you fear love so much, and then search out those experiences in your past that have kept you stuck in your old ways of perceiving love, this book can help.
Together we will explore those negative love experiences from your past where you lost your trust in others—those bad times that now sabotage your present faith that love could make you feel wonderful again!
Please enjoy a short excerpt from my new book How To Believe in Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom.
No matter how hard one searched, one could not
find anyone in the universe more deserving of love
than oneself. ~Buddha
Who you are is not the problem – even though you may have heard that your whole life. This is about everything you’ve done right, not about what you’ve done wrong.
The more you believe in yourself, the better you perform in every part of your life. Our belief system equals our reality, and is a combinations of our ideas, thoughts, and experiences. These all combine to determine who we believe ourselves to be.
The journey back to believing in love again must begin with finding a new and much higher level of self-respect. The secret to letting go of all the hurt and betrayal you may have suffered in your past is the slow, gentle process of giving yourself heartfelt compassion for all you have endured at the hands of others.
At the time of my own separation and divorce, I needed to spend a few years first simply grieving the loss of the dream. We all have inside of us some dream of what a loving, positive relationship should look and feel like.
The end of any important relationship is traumatic. Even friendly divorces can be difficult. It may not even be about the end of a relationship that we found destructive and therefore needed to end. It may be about the loss of the dream of what love might have been, how it could have made our lives more bearable and more worthwhile.
When I was in the process of learning how to love myself after my own divorce, I found Gloria Steinem’s book Revolution from Within very useful. I especially enjoyed her idea of accessing your past self for a heart-to-heart talk.
She suggested imagining you are looking your past self in the eyes. How do you feel about her? What would you like to say to her now? I found Gloria’s words helpful when I looked back over my life and reflected on the sad, shy girl I used to be:
“She’s doing the best she can. She’s survived—and she’s trying so hard. Sometimes I wish I could go back and put my arms around her.”
I found these words to be soothingly cathartic.
Are you coming off a traumatic divorce or feeling utter disillusionment with love?
My new book: How to Believe in Love Again: Opening to forgiveness, trust, and your own inner wisdom can help you feel hopeful again!
This book is designed to help you become a private detective in service to your own self-awareness and development. If you wish to gather a deeper understanding of why you fear love so much, and then search out those experiences in your past that have kept you stuck in your old ways of perceiving love, this book can help.
Together we will explore those negative love experiences from your past where you lost your trust of others; those bad times which now sabotage your present faith that you might ever find love again.
It is only by first raising your awareness of sensitive areas around your own personal roadblocks like shame, trust, and forgiveness, and then creating new ways to work through past emotional obstacles, that you may access a healthier belief in all that love might have to offer you now.
I know. I have felt utter disillusionment with love. And yet I also knew deep inside that I was still determined to find it. So, using my extensive background in self-awareness and transpersonal counseling psychology, I decided to fight back. Using all of my strength and inner wisdom, I turned my situation around. Then one day I suddenly realized, I did believe in love again! A few months later, at age 49, I finally met the love of my life.
Trust me, this battle is not for the meek, but the rewards are so worth it! Don’t give up on yourself and finding the love you deserve!
It’s available in paper or Kindle format!