Let’s face it.  Being eternally angry at your ex is the great American pastime.   Have you ever considered all of the angry, ugly feelings we are surrounded by constantly as half of all American adults break up their marriages, and then try to find a way to get back at each other?   There’s a lot of ugliness out there, and it is all negative energy that is helping nobody get what they want out of life.

The only way to convert all of that negativity into something good is by forgiving yourself for being human.  As a human being you have made a mistake.  Now you are ready to learn much more about who you are, and how you can stop making the same type of mistakes in your future.

Under your anger is boundless pain and frustration.  Anger is what we show the world, but the pain is also under there somewhere.  Underneath it all is a small child who made a bargain to be loved, appreciated and understood and now feels absolute betrayal.  You trusted the wrong person with your heart, your dreams and your sense of self, and they bashed it to bits.  What now?

A long period of grieving is in order.  Do whatever it takes to love your Self now.  Take long walks alone or with friends, get back into those hobbies you used to enjoy, get a loving pet or two who will show you boundless, abiding loyalty, and write in your journal about how unfair life has been to you.  Listen to music and watch movies that help you feel better about your Self.

Get angry at your ex, but realize you are actually also quite angry at yourself.  You gave your power away to someone who did not appreciate you.  Perhaps they didn’t even have the potential to love at all.  Do not believe all those negative things your ex may say about you.  After a year or two you may feel the need to fully acknowledge how destructive your ex was to your own self -image.  By spending so much time with someone who had so little respect for all of the wonderful things that you are, you have lost your way.  It is now time to build your self-respect back up.

Excerpted from my new book: HOW TO BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.    Also available in Kindle.