I decided to give this a bit of thought, and realized there are so many things we could each do to improve our immediate and long-term futures.

First of all remember that what you focus on grows, so be quite conscience of where you place your focus.  Are you focused on what you enjoy or just what worries you?

While I always encourage living in the present, what can you do in this moment that your future self will thank you for?

Live in the current moment and know that’s the only moment you need to handle right now, so give it your full attention.  When that moment has passed, move to the next moment.

Are you still breathing?  Of course you are.  You have just handled one moment.  Are you ready for the next one?   That brings you one step closer to full engagement in your life.

How does your future look from here?  What don’t you see there that you really, really, really want?  Make that missing experience your top priority now.  What small thing could you do today that might bring that goal closer to this reality?

I remember back when I decided my greatest priority was finding ways to believe in love again at age 49.  I realized first I would need to forgive myself for past mistakes.

I started reading everything I could find and listening to the music that would move me in the direction of feeling GREAT about love again.  I even started my own dating service, because I didn’t like the idea of online dating.  And sure enough, I ended up meeting my new love through Match.com!

That is a great story found only in my book!

Love works in mysterious ways, but you have to put some serious effort into focusing on what you want.  Look inside and see what you find.  Do you find yourself loveable?  Would you want to marry you?

I have found that we attract those at the same emotional level as we are when we go in search of love, because love is all about providing mirrors for each other.

So work on becoming the best YOU you can be!

Somewhere along the line we decide we can no longer risk being open to love, and so we put up a big, sometimes unconscious, wall around ourselves, and then expect others to fight their way through it to reach us.

Guess what?  Most won’t bother!  And it is your job to work through all the reasons why you built this wall instead of a bridge, if you ever hope to feel true love and intimacy again.

Is that easy?  No, or you would have done it by now.  This will require some serious emotional work on your part.  So how much do you want to feel honest, unconditional love for once in this lifetime?

I decided that was my top priority about ten years ago.  I worked my way through my natural urge to build walls, and eventually decided I could risk building a few bridges instead.  Then I found true love for the first time EVER at age 49.

Want to know how?  I share my own thoughts and process in my book How to Believe In Love Again.

Learn more about personality changes and life satisfaction!

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”    — Nido Qubein

The research, based on a survey of more than 19,000 individuals who married between 2005 and 2012, also found relationships that began online are happier, and less likely to split up than those started offline.

These new findings, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, set the percentage of married couples who have met online at almost 35% — which gives us our first broad look at the overall percentage of new marriages resulting from online relationships.  About 45% of couples met on dating sites; the rest met on online social networks, chat rooms, instant messaging or other online forums.

Sociologist Michael Rosenfeld of Stanford University in Stanford, Calif., says the numbers seem “reasonable.”

In his own research, published last year in the American Sociological Review, Rosenfeld said that 22% of newly formed couples had met online, “but couples who meet online are more likely to progress to marriage than couples who meet in other ways.”   His new analysis of nationally representative data found that of 926 unmarried couples followed from 2009 to 2011, those who met online were twice as likely to marry as those who met offline.

This was all true for my husband Mike and I.  We met through Match.com at age 49, and are still happily married at 58!

Learn more about these studies over at USA Today!

Please enjoy this guest post today by Jay Fleming-Smith:

Have you lost the will to believe in love?  Maybe you have had a number of bad experiences in your emotional life that made you decide to throw in the towel.  Or maybe you had a terrible break-up, a nasty divorce or a long dysfunctional relationship which finally brought you to your knees.

No wonder you currently feel the way you do!  After all, you are only human.  Sometimes life can knock the wind out of you.  That is just what life does to us sometimes.

My first message is as follows:  don’t blame yourself, don’t let the circumstances bring you down.  Don’t despair!  Better things lie ahead of you!

Before we go into solution mode, let’s focus on the potential outcomes of looking at your life.  You basically have two choices.  The first (and easiest) way of leading your life is to wallow in self-pity, blame yourself and run the risk of getting trapped in the vicious circle of disillusion, which might turn you into a bitter person.  That doesn’t sound very appealing now, does it?  The second avenue you could take is to get up, get going and tackle life with the same vigour, hope and determination like the rest of the world does.

But let me first get back to the former outcome.  It is of absolute importance, before you can believe in love again, to allow yourself to heal.  Whatever traumatic emotional experience you had to endure, everyone needs time to mourn, reflect and heal.  Depending on your circumstances this period might take a few months to a few years.  You will know when your mourning has come to an end.  That said, it is important not to let your grief take over for eternity.

Make up your mind that one day you will pick up your life and move forward.  It is during this time of transition that it is essential to reflect, analyze (but not to overanalyze) and to be kind to yourself.  You are no different from thousands of other people who have gone through a similar experience.

Essentially you are on a journey of reflection and perspective which should slowly lead you to a rekindled form of self-appreciation and self-love!  This voyage does come without a bit of work though.  Increasing your self-esteem will require some discipline.  Good nutrition, regular light physical activity, reconnecting with family and friends and finding your inner peace through meditation are all great ways of getting back on track.

But this is not sufficient!  You will also need to make some changes.  Don’t worry, we are not talking about dramatic changes;  few people have the ability to do this and most people who do change, revert back to their old habits within months.  What I mean is to tweak some bad habits, make some small adjustments on a regular basis until they become engrained in your new lifestyle.

Remember that small regular changes can have very large positive consequences but you need to maintain those small changes!

Once you feel you have come to the end of your journey of mourning and that you have tweaked a few bad habits, you should automatically feel better in spirit and body and exude an image of positivism, confidence and optimism.  And those around you will notice this!

So now you might think that you are ready to start dating again?  Not exactly!  What you now need is a new game plan!  It is a jungle out there and you cannot afford to get hurt immediately after all the good work you have done!  Where to find your significant other?  It is relatively straight forward.  Avoid bars and clubs like the plague, be extra wary of dating sites (it is very time-consuming and can be soul destroying), and be aware that a holiday romance is most of the time just that.

Instead, you need to get back to basics.  Tell all your loved ones, family and friends you are ‘available’ to date.  Go to your high school or college reunion, join a book club, play golf or tennis, in short get out there and go where like-minded people or people of a similar age like yourself tend to socialize.

Finally, be realistic as to what you want to achieve, set your expectations low but be disciplined, focused and optimistic.  And very importantly, don’t be discouraged by any setbacks that might come your way.  We all need a little bit of luck in finding our significant other, but it is only by being social and cheerful that we will meet, attract and find that new found love that you so deserve. In love no  one escapes and neither will you!

I sincerely wish this love and happiness to every single one of you!

Jay Fleming-Smith is the author of Fix Your Relationship in ONE Minute

While everyone else seemed to be having get-togethers with friends and family, I often sat alone wondering what’s the matter with me.  Why does everyone else have someone to be with on holidays but me?

It was feelings like this that made me want to believe in love again, because holidays seem to be made for families.  In fact, holidays helped me decide that my life wasn’t working like I wanted it to.  I was still quite clear and happy about my decision to not have kids, but I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere in this world, in some sort of family.  This required a new commitment on my part.

So I set about figuring out how I had lost my faith in love as a good thing in life.  All roads led back to my first serious love affair in my early twenties.  I applied myself to that relationship like none before and after, and all I got was pain and heartbreak, so why believe?

My first step in changing my mind about love was to realize exactly how different I was at age 24 compared to 49.  I had learned so much about myself and love since I made so many mistakes and misjudgments in my past.  And, more importantly, I loved myself now.  I would not be taking anymore crap from anybody!

These types of realistic reassessments helped me see my future in much more positive terms, so much so that soon after that I met the perfect partner for me!

Sure it was a little more complicated than that, and my book How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom, summarizes the many steps I had to take to turn my world around.  My point is, you can change your mind, your priorities, and then change your life.

Now that I have a very small but loving family, I appreciate them every day, including holidays!

Why do so many of us feel like we must provide endless services to our family, friends and lovers in order to “earn” the right to be loved?

Where did we learn that love and respect can only be earned?  Shouldn’t caring and love from others be given freely?

Here’s are my thoughts….