Stepping outside of your box
Essential Self-Healing
Self-love, self-acceptance and self-respect are where all love comes from. Until we love and respect ourselves, we are not yet ready to give, receive or accept love from others.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself to test your present level of self-love and self-respect:
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Are you willing to accept there is much more to you than how you see yourself now? Who are you without your story, and without harsh self-judgment?
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Can you accept that there is really nothing wrong with you right now?
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Can you see yourself as whole and beautiful? Meditate on that thought.
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Can you accept that you are exactly what you seek in others?
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If you stopped finding fault in yourself, would your life improve?
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Can you accept that perhaps the thing you are missing in your life may be your authentic self? What would it take to let the “real” you come out to play?
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At what times do you feel most like the “real” you?
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Ask and answer this question just for yourself: One way I could be even more authentic right now is ___________________________.
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Daily affirmation:
Show me the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful that is!
Lovely review of my new book!
“In 100 pages, with an intriguing bibliography, this is a quick but comprehensive overview of our generation at this moment in the 21st century. Carter’s telling is at once realistic and optimistic—and her own story is living proof.
‘Why did I write this book?’ she asks in the prologue of this new book, and then answers with a quote from Joan Baez, a troubadour for our generation:
‘Action is the greatest antidote to despair.’
Carter never looks at our generation through rosy glasses. Her even-handed reporting and clear and compassionate writing help me understand the challenges and opportunities we all face. Thank you.” – Carrie Tuhy
Find Your Reason to Be Here: The Search For Meaning in Midlife is where I share what I have learned from years of research into the psychological legacy of boomers, where the idea of ‘midlife’ came from, and how boomers can make the most of this unique new stage of emotional development.
Here I summarize most of what I have learned in studying the experience of midlife from the inside out. I explain what happens to our hearts and minds in combination with being raised in the time of the boomers, and then show how to combat emotional challenges, find love again, and succeed in becoming your best self in spite of the many factors which may work against you.
The ex and other topics to avoid on a date
Nerves are often the biggest contributor to awkward first dates and can inspire a range of dating faux pas. With this in mind, here is a look at some of the worst conversations for any first date, and some tips on how to avoid them.
Managing your nerves
We all know first date jitters are completely normal and those pesky butterflies are a sign of adrenaline in your system. Nevertheless, they can make you feel a bit like a teenager all over again. It’s important to try and keep these feeling in check, and give yourself the best chance of making a great first impression. This is especially important if you’re meeting in person for the first time after meeting on a site like eHarmony Australia.
When preparing for the date, leave plenty of time to get ready and plan an outfit in advance. This will avoid a rush and help you to walk in feeling confident about your presentation.
When meeting your date for the first time, make a point of smiling warmly when you greet them. If you’re nervous, why not make a joke about it? This will help to break the ice, because chances are they are feeling just as anxious.
Finally, make sure you choose a date location where you’ll really feel at home. If you’re planning on enjoying a meal together, skip loud or formal restaurants and opt for a comfortable, laid back café.
Talking about the ex
If the nerves have set in and there’s a pause in conversation, it’s easy to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Sadly that’s not always the best first date topic.
Your ex-partner is a conversation you should always avoid. By bringing them up it gives the impression that you haven’t moved on and aren’t ready to commit to a new relationship. If your date asks about your relationship past, just respond with the bare facts, such as we divorced 6 years ago. It’s far too early to mention the cause, the emotional pain or any other intimate details.
Avoiding controversy
For a comfortable first date it’s always best to avoid heavy, controversial and awkward topics. If you’re unsure what that might include, think anything on the lines of politics, religion, the death penalty, assisted suicide or your sexual history.
Past dates are another topic to avoid – unless of course you want to share a funny anecdote about a dating disaster. If you’re really passionate about a hobby or a sport, then it’s fine to bring it up, within moderation. But be sure to make it an engaging two-way dialogue and ask your date what they think, rather then lecturing them with your knowledge.
Good tips for date conversations
Do your best to keep the conversation on pleasant and neutral ground, with topics like your date’s career, hobbies, family and friends. If they ask you a question, always ask them their opinion in return.
Before you arrive, it helps to read your date’s personal profile carefully to find out things like their taste in films and books as well as what their hobbies are. Dating websites are great as they cater to a variety of different people. If you are looking for your own perfect match then online dating could be the option for you, no matter what your age!
Finally, always use your positive body language to show interest in what your date has to say.
This blog post was written on behalf of E-Harmony Australia, and I did receive payment for this post.
Watch out for those darn expectations!
It only took me forty years to figure out just how tricky expectations can be. Have you ever noticed that life never turns out as expected? And if you can finally let go of expectations, you will never be disappointed. This goes triple for dating.
Probably the main reason I was so successful when I started dating again at age 49, was that I had absolutely NO expectations. No one could have convinced me to expect the love of my life to turn up at my door on that day back in January 2005. I was actually just trying to attract more men to my dating service inventory at the time.
Sure I wanted to fall in love again, who doesn’t? But I certainly wasn’t expecting it!
The problem begins when we get this picture in our heads of exactly what’s next in our lives. I know, we call that visualizing, and some think it is the best way to manifest what you desire. There is some truth to that, but please don’t mistake your visualizations for exact expectations.
Yes my new friend Mike, who turned up one day out of the blue, was amazing to me. But he was also so different than I would have ever expected. Our educational backgrounds were quite diverse, our interests couldn’t have been more different, and he even looked different than anyone I had pictured myself with previously.
If I had let any of these “pictures in my head” tell me that this wasn’t like it was “supposed to be,” I would have missed out on the love of my life.
Lesson learned! Eight years later, I still struggle every day not to let the picture in my head get in the way of my best reality.
Find Your Very Own Voice…
What does love mean?
With Valentine’s Day coming right up, a few of us might be wondering exactly what love means.
Sure, when we have it, we generally know it, but then it changes through the years, and sometimes it dies. This is often called a “midlife crisis” when one or both partners decide that love either never really existed, or else it has simply disappeared for no good reason.
Some get angry because their husband or wife does not love them anymore, or does not want to try to work things through somehow. There are so many different types of problems in relationships and each is unique. Some can be worked on, others cannot. But nothing will change if one partner blames the other for all of the problems.
What I hate to see is a husband or wife who insists on trying to shame or guilt the other partner into staying, when love is so obviously non-existent. In general I believe that we all know when it’s time to accept reality and move on. Do you really want a man you have “guilted” into staying with you? Why not believe in yourself enough to move on to something better for both of you? Grow up and leave the nastiness behind.
Unfortunately, leaving a bad relationship behind does not solve any of your own problems. Often we lose faith in love eventually, after a number of bad breakups, but there is a very good reason for this. We finally realize we will continue to attract the wrong type of relationship unless we change something inside of ourselves; the broken, mean, negative feelings we hold against ourselves.
If you think this might be you, ask yourself this question: “Would you want to marry you?”
Most of us go out looking for someone to save us in our relationships with others, but we attract what we are now, with comparable levels of generosity, caring, insecurity or self-hate.
The first rule of love is you get what you are. So who are you when it comes to love? Are you a victim, a martyr, someone who is trying to save others? I found that personal change was the only solution to my love problems.
Learn how this works with: How to Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.
Give you and your friends the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, for those who really want to get it right next time!
