Renewed faith in love

Your to-do list for today

pink love sunsetWhat could you do today that your future self will thank you for?

I decided to give this a bit of thought, and realized there are so many things we could each do to improve our immediate and long-term futures.

First of all remember that what you focus on grows, so be quite conscience of where you place your focus.  Are you focused on what you enjoy or just what worries you?

While I always encourage living in the present, what can you do in this moment that your future self will thank you for?

Live in the current moment and know that’s the only moment you need to handle right now, so give it your full attention.  When that moment has passed, move to the next moment.

Are you still breathing?  Of course you are.  You have just handled one moment.  Are you ready for the next one?   That brings you one step closer to full engagement in your life.

How does your future look from here?  What don’t you see there that you really, really, really want?  Make that missing experience your top priority now.  What small thing could you do today that might bring that goal closer to this reality?

I remember back when I decided my greatest priority was finding ways to believe in love again at age 49.  I realized first I would need to forgive myself for past mistakes.

I started reading everything I could find and listening to the music that would move me in the direction of feeling GREAT about love again.  I even started my own dating service, because I didn’t like the idea of online dating.  And sure enough, I ended up meeting my new love through Match.com!

That is a great story found only in my book!

Love works in mysterious ways, but you have to put some serious effort into focusing on what you want.  Look inside and see what you find.  Do you find yourself loveable?  Would you want to marry you?

I have found that we attract those at the same emotional level as we are when we go in search of love, because love is all about providing mirrors for each other.

So work on becoming the best YOU you can be!

 

Why are you lonely?

why lonelyI know this probably seems very simplistic, but it is actually quite true.

Somewhere along the line we decide we can no longer risk being open to love, and so we put up a big, sometimes unconscious, wall around ourselves, and then expect others to fight their way through it to reach us.

Guess what?  Most won’t bother!  And it is your job to work through all the reasons why you built this wall instead of a bridge, if you ever hope to feel true love and intimacy again.

Is that easy?  No, or you would have done it by now.  This will require some serious emotional work on your part.  So how much do you want to feel honest, unconditional love for once in this lifetime?

I decided that was my top priority about ten years ago.  I worked my way through my natural urge to build walls, and eventually decided I could risk building a few bridges instead.  Then I found true love for the first time EVER at age 49.

Want to know how?  I share my own thoughts and process in my book How to Believe In Love Again.

Online dating more common, and more likely to lead to marriage!

WiFi BrideMore than one third of recent marriages in the USA started online, according to a study out this week.  It presents more evidence of just how much technology has taken hold of our love lives.

The research, based on a survey of more than 19,000 individuals who married between 2005 and 2012, also found relationships that began online are happier, and less likely to split up than those started offline.

These new findings, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, set the percentage of married couples who have met online at almost 35% — which gives us our first broad look at the overall percentage of new marriages resulting from online relationships.  About 45% of couples met on dating sites; the rest met on online social networks, chat rooms, instant messaging or other online forums.

online dating kissing miceSociologist Michael Rosenfeld of Stanford University in Stanford, Calif., says the numbers seem “reasonable.”

In his own research, published last year in the American Sociological Review, Rosenfeld said that 22% of newly formed couples had met online, “but couples who meet online are more likely to progress to marriage than couples who meet in other ways.”   His new analysis of nationally representative data found that of 926 unmarried couples followed from 2009 to 2011, those who met online were twice as likely to marry as those who met offline.

This was all true for my husband Mike and I.  We met through Match.com at age 49, and are still happily married at 58!

Learn more about these studies over at USA Today!

 

 

Welcome Happy Spring Flowers!

Spring buddha half sizeThis is what my backyard looks like this morning!  If this doesn’t cheer you up, then you aren’t trying!

We’re having a delayed springtime here in northern Colorado because we’ve had our best snows just in the past few weeks.  We had a record low just two weeks ago!  The trees are afraid to leaf out, but they are finally ready to bloom.

Spring is MY season, the season of growth and renewal!  I love everything about it!  It makes me feel alive again after a long, dreary winter.

Spring is also the BEST time to fall in love!  So get out there and make your dreams come true!  Believe to receive everything you ever dreamed of and MORE!

 

How do we shift from fear to love?

fear to love miracle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is a series of shifts in perception.  Only you have the power to shift your own…

Choose a new way of seeing the world today, and see how   THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Essential Self-Healing

heart speaksSelf-love, self-acceptance and self-respect are where all love comes from.  Until we love and respect ourselves, we are not yet ready to give, receive or accept love from others.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to test your present level of self-love and self-respect:

  • Are you willing to accept there is much more to you than how you see yourself now?  Who are you without your story, and without harsh self-judgment?

  • Can you accept that there is really nothing wrong with you right now?

  • Can you see yourself as whole and beautiful?  Meditate on that thought.

  • Can you accept that you are exactly what you seek in others?

  • If you stopped finding fault in yourself, would your life improve?

  • Can you accept that perhaps the thing you are missing in your life may be your authentic self?  What would it take to let the “real” you come out to play?

  • At what times do you feel most like the “real” you?

  • Ask and answer this question just for yourself:  One way I could be even more authentic right now is ___________________________.

  • Daily affirmation:

Show me the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful that is!

Lovely review of my new book!

“In 100 pages, with an intriguing bibliography, this is a quick but comprehensive overview of our generation at this moment in the 21st century.  Carter’s telling is at once realistic and optimistic—and her own story is living proof. 

‘Why did I write this book?’ she asks in the prologue of this new book, and then answers with a quote from Joan Baez, a troubadour for our generation:

‘Action is the greatest antidote to despair.’ 

Carter never looks at our generation through rosy glasses.  Her even-handed reporting and clear and compassionate writing help me understand the challenges and opportunities we all face.  Thank you.”                                                      – Carrie Tuhy

 Find Your Reason to Be Here: The Search For Meaning in Midlife is where I share what I have learned from years of research into the psychological legacy of boomers, where the idea of ‘midlife’ came from, and how boomers can make the most of this unique new stage of emotional development.

Here I summarize most of what I have learned in studying the experience of midlife from the inside out.  I explain what happens to our hearts and minds in combination with being raised in the time of the boomers, and then show how to combat emotional challenges, find love again, and succeed in becoming your best self in spite of the many factors which may work against you.

How to live in love and abundance

pink love sunsetAbundance is how we live in each moment — the choice to be open, the choice to entertain the possibility that we can have, create, and attract what we truly want.

Most of us start out believing that love can transform our lonely existence into something better.  When that doesn’t work out as hoped for or planned, do we dare dream again?  I say YES!

As the years go by, most of us slowly realize that love is what matters most.  Love is what we all seek. The experience of love is vital to healing and wholeness.  In a world filled with sadness, misunderstandings, and unfairness, love is our chance to feel a little less alone.

No one can buy that marvelous feeling of unconditional acceptance, loyalty, trust and caring.  Rich or poor, we have to find it for ourselves.  Most go in search of romantic love with one gigantic, unacknowledged obstacle standing squarely in their way, difficult memories of past loves that went horribly wrong.  Most know all too well that love can be cruel.

How do you get past early disillusioning experiences that stand solidly in your path to ever believing in love again?  How do you get to the point where you can fully acknowledge past negative or destructive relationships, thank them for all they have taught you, and then feel certain you have removed their power over your future?

How do we find the courage to open to love again, when our mind is filled with memories of a painful past?

purple heartsThese are the answers I had to find for myself when I lost my way ten years ago.  I so wanted to still believe in love, but I realized my past experiences threatened that belief.  I really had no reason to believe, and if I didn’t, what was the point of going in search of love again?

We must each find the faith inside that love and abundance is still out there and will transform our lives, before it can ever happen.  That is what I learned through my own experiences, and what I share in my book How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom.

The ex and other topics to avoid on a date

Nerves are often the biggest contributor to awkward first dates and can inspire a range of dating faux pas.  With this in mind, here is a look at some of the worst conversations for any first date, and some tips on how to avoid them.

eharmony pic 2

Managing your nerves    

We all know first date jitters are completely normal and those pesky butterflies are a sign of adrenaline in your system. Nevertheless, they can make you feel a bit like a teenager all over again. It’s important to try and keep these feeling in check, and give yourself the best chance of making a great first impression. This is especially important if you’re meeting in person for the first time after meeting on a site like eHarmony Australia.

When preparing for the date, leave plenty of time to get ready and plan an outfit in advance. This will avoid a rush and help you to walk in feeling confident about your presentation.

When meeting your date for the first time, make a point of smiling warmly when you greet them. If you’re nervous, why not make a joke about it? This will help to break the ice, because chances are they are feeling just as anxious.

Finally, make sure you choose a date location where you’ll really feel at home. If you’re planning on enjoying a meal together, skip loud or formal restaurants and opt for a comfortable, laid back café.

Talking about the ex

If the nerves have set in and there’s a pause in conversation, it’s easy to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Sadly that’s not always the best first date topic.

Your ex-partner is a conversation you should always avoid. By bringing them up it gives the impression that you haven’t moved on and aren’t ready to commit to a new relationship. If your date asks about your relationship past, just respond with the bare facts, such as we divorced 6 years ago. It’s far too early to mention the cause, the emotional pain or any other intimate details.

Avoiding controversy

For a comfortable first date it’s always best to avoid heavy, controversial and awkward topics. If you’re unsure what that might include, think anything on the lines of politics, religion, the death penalty, assisted suicide or your sexual history.

Past dates are another topic to avoid – unless of course you want to share a funny anecdote about a dating disaster. If you’re really passionate about a hobby or a sport, then it’s fine to bring it up, within moderation. But be sure to make it an engaging two-way dialogue and ask your date what they think, rather then lecturing them with your knowledge.

eharmony pic

Good tips for date conversations

Do your best to keep the conversation on pleasant and neutral ground, with topics like your date’s career, hobbies, family and friends. If they ask you a question, always ask them their opinion in return.

Before you arrive, it helps to read your date’s personal profile carefully to find out things like their taste in films and books as well as what their hobbies are. Dating websites are great as they cater to a variety of different people. If you are looking for your own perfect match then online dating could be the option for you, no matter what your age!

Finally, always use your positive body language to show interest in what your date has to say.

This blog post was written on behalf of E-Harmony Australia, and  I did receive payment for this post.