Midlife love

How much do you care what others think?

Various chaos in my life lately has left me wondering why I care so much what others think, mostly because Mike seems to have very little interest in what anyone thinks of his choices.

We had an interesting discussion of this the other day, and concluded that men tend to care less than women what others think of them.  But, if this is true, why?

I would say I was raised to care what others think of me, and it is only since I met Mike that I have slowly lost interest in other peoples’ opinions of the choices I make.  I guess that is called independent thinking.  This leaves me feeling quite liberated, although Mike calls my efforts mere baby steps.

Is this something that changes with aging? Check out #16 in this excellent article called: 20 Signs You Are Succeeding in Life…

You Don’t Care What Other People Think:

You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards with which society judges is many times unrealistic… So just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.” 

To this I would respond: So much easier to say than do!        Perhaps caring too much about what others think is a barrier to growing up and your own happiness… I know it has been for me!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Believe in Love Again!

Butterfly side view small 2007Love can be tough when you’re older, divorced and wondering what’s next.  I know I felt relatively certain my “love life” was over at age 49, but I changed my mind when I lost my career a few years after my divorce…

Going only on my own desire to try something completely different, I started my own dating service. There I spent some serious time learning from hundreds of 40+ singles about what it feels like to know that you are far too young to give up on love, and yet fearful that you may be too disillusioned to ever try again. What I discovered is that there are quite a few of us who have lost our faith in love, and that included me!

So I got busy changing my mind.  With my natural stubborn streak and extensive background in psychology, I used decades of personal experience with love and disappointment to turn my attitude around. First I began to finally value my mysterious and yet powerful personal guidance system.  I quit interrupting when it was trying to tell me something important.  Enough “rational” assessments of my situation. What did I want right now?

I also knew I needed to forgive myself for everything in my past, but what was the best way to do that?

Slowly I created a formula which included finding new self-respect for where I was at, appreciating how I got there, and devising various ways to love myself into believing in love again.    I saw how much I feared love, and began searching out those experiences in my past that were keeping me stuck.

My formula included focusing on my own unique shame and trust issues, forgiving myself for past mistakes, listening to my inner wisdom, and utilizing cathartic techniques to change my beliefs about what love might have to offer me now.

My solutions worked for me!  How did I know?  I met the love of my life a few months after I decided to change.

I so hate to watch others suffer, so six years after I met Mike I completed my book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom. 

Are you ready to acknowledge that you have also lost your faith in love?  Read my book and then make believing in love again your highest priority! It worked for me… it will probably work for you!

I worked for 25 years as a research librarian before transitioning into my present work as a writer and psychotherapist.  I hold three graduate degrees including one in counseling psychology. Don’t miss my popular blog: MidlifeCrisisQueen.com.

Feel free to contact me for more information or personal counseling at: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com

Breaking ground in the CO foothills!

This week we have some actual excavation going on on our foothills building site!  YES!

IMGP2739We were up there the other evening at dusk and experienced a magnificent light show!

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We had a lovely home in the suburbs, but Mike always said he wasn’t moving again until we got a view.. well I guess we will get that with our new home!

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I am pleasingly surprised at how much I love the rural life.  When we go up to visit our new home site, I just have to pinch myself to believe this will all be ours!

DSCF0797To each her own, but I feel like one lucky dog!!!

success is the best revengeFrom one miserable, unemployed divorcee to a happily married writer with a bright new life up in those beautiful hills in just ten years… can’t beat that!

 Eat your heart out JOHN…                  You know who you are!

‘Proof of Life’ in online dating

Did any of you see the interview with Nev Schulman on TV the other day?  He has a new book out about ‘catfishing’… which apparently means lying online to get a date.

catfishHere’s the meaning from the Urban Dictionary: ‘A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.’

I found this all quite entertaining, because I met my new [and improve!] husband through Match.com over nine years ago. Yes, you have to be super careful out there, and yet I just don’t get how lying to others about who you are will ever pay off!

The part of Nev’s interview I found most entertaining was how some lie with their photos online, by having them photoshopped, etc.  He said the new thing is to ask perspective dates to go have their photo taken with a specific item in their hand, to get a more recent and accurate image.

DSCF0779My mind immediately leapt to those ‘proof of life’ photos from a kidnapping.  You know, where the money won’t be dropped off until they see a photo of the victim, holding a newspaper with today’s date on it… WHAT is the world coming to?

Country road, take me home…

Our favorite pastime, since we moved to a small town in southern Colorado, is to take off on some county road just to see where it goes.  This morning, on our way back from La Veta, I took a few photos that show exactly how nice it is down here… DSCF0689

Along County Road 510, on the way to the land we plan to build on soon, there is a cool adobe ruin…  DSCF0696

Then we got to our land and I finally walked all the way around it!  We had record rain in July here, so at the bottom of the hill I found this lovely grouping of wildflowers and deadwood: DSCF0712

This was our view on the way back to Highway 160.  Loved the shadow of the clouds on the mountains…  DSCF0724

Life’s romantic challenges…

Don’t we all want to make the perfect match, and then live happily ever after?  The only problem with that plan is that life will get in the way.  It always does.

You would probably not believe the number of romantic challenges Mike and I have faced in the past year. The year began with a possible plan to move to Ecuador to save money. That plan fell through for a number of reasons, when I went to Cuenca for a short visit last September.

View from our landPlan B was to find a reasonably priced piece of land in southern Colorado with a great view.  We achieved that goal fairly easily.

The hard part was emptying out our present home in Fort Collins, fixing it up, staging it, selling it and then moving all of our earthly possessions to a small rental in a town in southern Colorado.  If you don’t see a few major romantic challenges there, you have no experience in relationships!

Stress equals arguments.  Change equals disagreements… that’s about the size of it.

Mike + Laura small versionNow we face what some tell me is the greatest challenge of all, building a new home together.

We just got a permit to start building a solar home on the land pictured above…              wish us both luck!