Midlife love

The value of seeing other perspectives

Surround yourself with peopleJust this week I learned something new about myself. I am very stuck in the here and now.

This failure in vision has truly limited my ability to move on to a better life.

I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing. We are very present-minded, cautious people usually erring on the side of fearful instead of faithful.

The way I finally saw the limitations of my way of thinking was by realizing how visionary and courageous my husband can be. Mike has always known that he wanted to dream up and build his own passive solar home with a fantastic view. Ever since he was a youngster he held tight to that dream, number one in his life.

So when he could no longer work at a 40-hour per week job, he found some inexpensive foothills land with fantastic views down here in southern Colorado and started building.

Contrary to all of his certainty and vision, I had my doubts. I knew I wanted to get out of the city. I was certain that I didn’t want to spend anymore of my limited time left here on earth sitting in traffic jams, but could we do exactly what we wanted?     It sounded like a stretch to me…

Every time in the past ten months when I expressed my fears about c so much at once, Mike would simply say he was much happier in this rural setting, and he was certain I would love our new home when it was finished.

IMGP3528Well, he was right. He had the vision and expertise to make this thing happen! This is the view from our new home up on a ridge with amazing views of the Spanish Peaks, the Sangre de Cristo Mountains and Mount Mestas.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

To learn much more about building solar in southern Colorado, check out our website!

Perception is Everything!

Butterfly side view small 2007Perception: the act of perceiving by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.

It has taken me most of my life to realize that we all perceive everything very differently.

Light, color, smells, sounds, taste and even our reading of others’ emotions are impacted by our unique way of seeing and being in the world.

Originally I believed everyone was seeing the world much like me. A few experiences have taught me how wrong this perception was. I met a man with color-blindness once. He told me what he saw and I was shocked. He was certainly not seeing the world I was looking at. Colors shape my world and make it feel better. He was not seeing the same colors as me.

Then I met Mike at age 49. This experience was shocking in that he saw the world so much like I did. We saw things so similarly and reacted in the same way to these perceptions. As we checked with each other over and over again, we were seeing things in such a similar way. It was shocking!

Now I wonder how I could have ever believed the world felt and looked the same to everybody, and I see just how out of sync most of us are.

Being a human being is not one big generic experience. We are born with certain ways of perceiving and then our upbringing also has so much to do with the way we react to everything and everybody. As we age we also decide how we feel about life. Our way of perceiving evolves.

Most of us have a strong desire to bridge some of our differences and connect in some authentic way with others. It is such a blessing when we meet one other person who sees the world in ways similar to ours.

I now see what a gift it is to connect meaningfully with just one other human being. To feel like you belong with someone else is a triumph. It is what we all seek in this lifetime.

The Second BEST Exotic Marigold Hotel!

2nd bestHow many new lives can we have? As many as we like!”

On March 6th THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL was released! If you had the pleasure of seeing The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in 2012, don’t miss this new trailer for the next installment!

Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Bill Nighy, Dev Patel, and the rest of the gang are back for another heartwarming romp in India, with the delicious addition of Richard Gere this time!

Love continues to bloom at the second best exotic Marigold Hotel! Sonny (Dev Patel) is busy planning his imminent marriage to the love of his life, Sunaina (Tina Desai), but he also has his eye on a promising property now that his first venture, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for the Elderly and Beautiful, was so successful!

Best exotic Marigold Hotel 2Where will fresh arrivals Guy (Richard Gere) and Lavinia (Tamsin Greig) stay? Evelyn and Douglas (Judi Dench and Bill Nighy) have now joined the Jaipur workforce, and are wondering where their regular dates for Chilla pancakes will lead, while Norman and Carol (Ronald Pickup and Diana Hardcastle) are negotiating the tricky waters of an exclusive relationship!

Perhaps the only one who may know all the answers is newly installed co-manager Muriel (Maggie Smith), the keeper of everyone’s secrets. As the demands of a traditional Indian wedding threaten to engulf them all, the excitement builds!

Marigold Hotel TeaTinAnyone interested in a FREE $50 Visa gift card and this pretty tea tin?   Stop saying you never win anything!

Just send me a comment, telling me why you are the top fan of the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel!

The Meaning and Mystery of Love

“The mature response to the problem of existence is love.”
— Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

broken heartDid you know we can actually die from a broken heart? Yep, it’s called “Broken Heart Syndrome” and it causes around 10,000 deaths each year in the U.S.

When a loved one dies many stress hormones are released, causing the heart to struggle and sometimes stop. Many simply ask “Why go on?” and can find no good reason.

first kissDid you know scent matters more to women than men when it comes to romance? Apparently women are unconsciously looking for the proper immune system to mate with.

These fun facts all come from CBS Sunday Morning this past week.

I loved the first story about lost loves called “Lost and Found.” They said that if we should try to track down lost loves from our distant past, something made much easier by the Internet, there is a 70% chance that we will get back together with them if we are both single and available. Helen Fisher says that’s because they have been imprinted on our brains, so we cannot forget them! 

How to Believe in Love Again! blog sizeI found tracking down a lost love from decades past quite useful, but in a very different way… have you tried it yet? Sometimes we need to reconnect with our past in order to move on…

Read my book “How To Believe In Love Again” to learn all about the advantages of calling up those lost loved ones!

My memorable romantic firsts!

Women of Midlife is holding a blog hop today, with the assignment to write about our first kiss.

The response from some members was quite funny!

Some could remember the first time they had sex, but not their first kiss. One suggested we boomers should instead write about our first orgy. LOL!

I for one don’t remember my first kiss, but I do remember my first serious “make-out” session. Is that even a word today?

For better or for worse, back then my first kiss was not the sentimental event it had been in previous generations, just like first dates. In my dorm one thing led to another fairly quickly, and in retrospect, perhaps a bit too quickly.

Honestly, by the time I decided to date someone in my early years, I had already decided that I might like to sleep with them. Ah, what has happened to romance? I wish I could remember my first kiss as some special occasion. At least I do remember fondly my first kiss when I met Mike ten years ago.

I had been celibate for a few years after my divorce, that’s probably why I remember it all so well.

We spent ten hours together the first day we met, talking up a storm. For us it was a case of love at first conversation!

But after a number of hours, I decided we should check out the chemistry between us. I moved over to the couch to sit closer to him and before I knew it we were kissing.

Yes, the chemistry was perfect! He kissed me goodnight at my door an hour later, and he has been my prince charming ever since…

Valentine’s Day and Self-Respect

Mr. Right frig magnetOK, Valentine’s Day is coming right up.

It’s time to ask yourself:

What do you want to happen to you on that day?

If your answer is nothing, than you’re all set. Ask for nothing and nothing is usually the result, but I have never been the passive type when it comes to love.

If you want something to happen, try this saying on for size:

“What do you want to happen today?  ASK FOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!”

Why do I think this way? Because I believe we can all change our lives if we choose to. I’ve done it a number of times.  I’ve changed husbands, careers, homes, you name it, and that’s past age 50!

Taking charge and believing in myself is always an empowering experience for me.

“The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.” 

Are you stuck in a love rut? Are you in the wrong relationship? Are you often treated with disrespect?

The sooner you begin valuing yourself, the sooner you will feel the need to find someone who truly values you.  This goes for all of your relationships, including your family.

I know how hard it is to find a strong sense of self-respect when you haven’t learned it from others, but it can be done.

Decide today how you must be treated and then only hang out with those who appreciate the amazing person that you are!

My books can help!