Midlife love

The Meaning and Mystery of Love

“The mature response to the problem of existence is love.”
— Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

broken heartDid you know we can actually die from a broken heart? Yep, it’s called “Broken Heart Syndrome” and it causes around 10,000 deaths each year in the U.S.

When a loved one dies many stress hormones are released, causing the heart to struggle and sometimes stop. Many simply ask “Why go on?” and can find no good reason.

first kissDid you know scent matters more to women than men when it comes to romance? Apparently women are unconsciously looking for the proper immune system to mate with.

These fun facts all come from CBS Sunday Morning this past week.

I loved the first story about lost loves called “Lost and Found.” They said that if we should try to track down lost loves from our distant past, something made much easier by the Internet, there is a 70% chance that we will get back together with them if we are both single and available. Helen Fisher says that’s because they have been imprinted on our brains, so we cannot forget them! 

How to Believe in Love Again! blog sizeI found tracking down a lost love from decades past quite useful, but in a very different way… have you tried it yet? Sometimes we need to reconnect with our past in order to move on…

Read my book “How To Believe In Love Again” to learn all about the advantages of calling up those lost loved ones!

My memorable romantic firsts!

Women of Midlife is holding a blog hop today, with the assignment to write about our first kiss.

The response from some members was quite funny!

Some could remember the first time they had sex, but not their first kiss. One suggested we boomers should instead write about our first orgy. LOL!

I for one don’t remember my first kiss, but I do remember my first serious “make-out” session. Is that even a word today?

For better or for worse, back then my first kiss was not the sentimental event it had been in previous generations, just like first dates. In my dorm one thing led to another fairly quickly, and in retrospect, perhaps a bit too quickly.

Honestly, by the time I decided to date someone in my early years, I had already decided that I might like to sleep with them. Ah, what has happened to romance? I wish I could remember my first kiss as some special occasion. At least I do remember fondly my first kiss when I met Mike ten years ago.

I had been celibate for a few years after my divorce, that’s probably why I remember it all so well.

We spent ten hours together the first day we met, talking up a storm. For us it was a case of love at first conversation!

But after a number of hours, I decided we should check out the chemistry between us. I moved over to the couch to sit closer to him and before I knew it we were kissing.

Yes, the chemistry was perfect! He kissed me goodnight at my door an hour later, and he has been my prince charming ever since…

Valentine’s Day and Self-Respect

Mr. Right frig magnetOK, Valentine’s Day is coming right up.

It’s time to ask yourself:

What do you want to happen to you on that day?

If your answer is nothing, than you’re all set. Ask for nothing and nothing is usually the result, but I have never been the passive type when it comes to love.

If you want something to happen, try this saying on for size:

“What do you want to happen today?  ASK FOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!”

Why do I think this way? Because I believe we can all change our lives if we choose to. I’ve done it a number of times.  I’ve changed husbands, careers, homes, you name it, and that’s past age 50!

Taking charge and believing in myself is always an empowering experience for me.

“The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.” 

Are you stuck in a love rut? Are you in the wrong relationship? Are you often treated with disrespect?

The sooner you begin valuing yourself, the sooner you will feel the need to find someone who truly values you.  This goes for all of your relationships, including your family.

I know how hard it is to find a strong sense of self-respect when you haven’t learned it from others, but it can be done.

Decide today how you must be treated and then only hang out with those who appreciate the amazing person that you are!

My books can help!

How NOT to believe in LOVE!

This new survey, which shows how common financial infidelity is among married couples, disturbs me.

This kind of dishonesty makes me wonder why these couples stay married. If it’s anything like a friend of mine, they are staying in the marriage until they have enough saved up to get out.

I am reminded of my first marriage in my forties. I see now that my husband was always, from the very beginning, assuming that the marriage would not last and wondering how much that would cost him. We kept separate checking accounts from the beginning, which seemed normal to me at the time.

In retrospect, after ten years in a completely different kind of marriage, where honesty is EVERYTHING and everything is shared, I see how my first marriage was doomed from the beginning, because it was not based on love and trust.

If you now wonder if your present marriage is based on love and trust, it isn’t.

If you feel you cannot trust your spouse enough to share a checkbook, how can you trust them with your most precious self?

Does marriage have to do with HAPPY?

success is the best revengeMost of the research suggests married people are happier than singles, but does marriage really make people happier?

Or are happier people just more likely to get married?

A new review of the literature published by the National Bureau of Economic Research suggests that there really is a causal relationship between marriage and happiness, and the happiest, according to authors John F. Helliwell and Shawn Grover, are those who marry their best friend.

 Helliwell and Grover used the Gallup World Poll and a few nationwide surveys in the U.K. to analyze the link between well-being and marriage. They found that married people are still more satisfied with their lives than singles, even if premarital well-being is controlled for.

 Even those in their 40s and 50s, when happiness tends to bottom-out before picking back up later in life, marriage seems to have a positive effect.

Unless you’re like me, and finally find your best friend at age 49!

 These authors wrote: “We find that the married have a less deep U-shape in life satisfaction across age groups than do the unmarried, indicating that marriage may help ease the causes of the mid-life dip in life satisfaction, and that the benefits of marriage are unlikely to be short-lived.”

They conclude that a couple who are best friends explains the apparent causal relationship between marriage and happiness.     For people who say their partner is their best friend, the well-being effects of marriage are doubled, even when controlling for factors like age, gender, income, health, and life satisfaction before marriage.

BTW, increased happiness seems to occur for those who are not married, but only living together.

The key to any great relationship is not a search for a husband, wife or your soul mate, but a thorough search for your best friend.

How optimistic is your heart?

hope-despairHaving an optimistic outlook on life is good for your heart, according to a new study. Scientists looked at 5,100 adults between the ages of 45 and 84, asking them to complete surveys assessing their own mental health and level of optimism.

In addition,  researchers looked at blood pressure, body mass index, fasting plasma glucose, cholesterol levels, physical activity, diet and tobacco use — seven metrics used by the American Heart Association to assess cardiovascular health.

“Individuals with the highest levels of optimism have twice the odds of being in ideal cardiovascular health compared to their more pessimistic counterparts,” so says lead author Rosalba Hernandez. “This association remains significant, even after adjusting for socio-demographic characteristics and poor mental health.”

The more optimistic participants were 50 and 76 percent more likely to have intermediate and ideal cardiovascular test results compared to their pessimistic counterparts.  Overall, pessimistic people were found to have a higher risk of heart attack and stroke.

Optimistic people are also much more likely to find ways to believe in love again… That’s from my own research!