Ambivalent: mixed feelings about someone or something; being unable to choose between two people or courses of action.
I feel certain just about every woman in the world has dealt at some time with “ambivalent boyfriend syndrome.” You know, that boyfriend who can’t quite commit to you or anyone else.
At first the sparks fly and you fall deeply in love. But then, when you think things are really going good, they pull back and have a million reasons why they cannot commit to a relationship with you now. These are the guys that song “keeps me hanging on” were written about!
I know you think this is a test of your relationship, but these are the guys who are actually testing how you feel about yourself. These are the relationships that come back to haunt you in midlife, when your life falls apart, and you start having out-of control, full-blown rescue fantasies.
No, the white knight is not dead, he’s just gone underground to emerge in your fantasy life when you see no way out. So you call up that old ambivalent boyfriend and try to convince him one more time that you are a great catch. You state your case one more time and argue with them, to avoid confronting the real truth. You feel inadequate and unworthy of true love and acceptance.
NEWS FLASH: Your relationship with that ambivalent boyfriend has NOTHING to do with him, and EVERYTHING to do with your feelings of ambivalence about YOURSELF.
I dealt with my own rescue fantasy at age 49, by calling up the one that got away. This was a part of my own healing process discussed in my book, and it may need to be a part of yours!
There’s a great reason why he got away! He didn’t love you, and there’s a very good chance he cannot love anyone.
Take control over your choices, give up on him. Choose to believe in yourself! Make a list of just how amazing you are and how much you deserve genuine, authentic, unconditional love and then go get it!
Save yourself now, because he ain’t changing!
By Laura Lee Carter, author of How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.
Two Thumbs Up for the film "The Holiday"!!! | Midlife Crisis Queen | author Laura Lee Carter
[...] movie, from the character played by Kate Winslet, who seems to be suffering from a terminal case of “ambivalent boyfriend syndrome” to Cameron Diaz, who feels stuck in having no feelings of caring or love at [...]