The FIVE best reasons to get married!

Mr. Right frig magnetIf you are good at working out your differences,  you share common interests,  and your partner fills your needs and not just your wants, perhaps you should consider making this relationship more permanent. If you desire the same kind of lifestyle in your future, and you make each other feel special in the long term, marriage may be a good choice for you.

HOWEVER, if you’re marrying to escape family or personal problems, if you’re simply infatuated, or expecting marriage to solve your personal problems, forget it.

You are living in a dream world that does not exist in reality.


Ask yourself NOW:

Would you want to marry yourself, knowing your deepest challenges?

Do you struggle with self-esteem issues or depression? Your new partner cannot fix those for you. They will only tire of dealing with them constantly. Worse, you will probably unconsciously choose a partner with similar issues.

I have discovered that there is a strange form of justice in relationships: YOU GET WHAT YOU ARE, so spend time working on yourself.

Remember, marriage can never resolve any of your own personal problems, it will probably only magnify them in the long run.     You will only be bringing more problems into the relationship, problems you alone can solve through counseling, or some other form of intense personal work on yourself and your self image.

These are the reasons I remained alone for four years after my own divorce, to work on my self-esteem and re-learn how to love myself. Grieving the divorce and the mistakes I made in my past, made me more ready to recognize and appreciate new love when it arrived at my door in 2005.  Lots of personal work and running my own dating service also helped!

Read How To Believe In Love Again to learn more about how this transition occurs!

Belief is your first step towards new love!

All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune.  – Thoreau

Love can be tough when you’re older, divorced and wondering what’s next.  I know. At 49, after a bad divorce, I felt relatively certain my “love life” was over. What changed then? I lost my job and career a few years after my divorce…

What to do? What to do? I decided to try something completely different, I started my own dating service! I figured I needed a job AND a date. :)

self-respectThere I spent some serious time learning from hundreds of 40+ singles about what it feels like to know that you are far too young to give up on love, and yet fearful that you may be too disillusioned to ever try again. What I discovered is that there are quite a few of us who have lost our faith in love, and that included me!

So I got busy changing my mind.  With my natural stubborn streak and extensive background in psychology, I used decades of personal experience with love and disappointment to turn my attitude around.

First I began to finally value my mysterious and yet powerful personal intuitions. I quit interrupting when my heart was trying to tell me something important. Enough “rational” assessments of my situation, what did I want to happen right now?

I also knew I needed to forgive myself for everything in my past, but what was the best way to do that?

Slowly I created a formula which included finding new self-respect for where I was at, appreciating how I got there, and devising various ways to love myself into believing in love again. I began to see how much I feared love, and began searching out those experiences in my past that were keeping me stuck.

My formula included focusing on my own unique shame and trust issues, forgiving myself for past mistakes, listening to my inner wisdom, and utilizing cathartic techniques to change my beliefs about what love might have to offer me now.

My solutions worked for me!  How did I know?  I met the love of my life a few months after I started changing my mind and heart.

Learn to love yourselfNow I hate to watch others suffer because they just don’t believe anymore, so six years after I met my new love Mike, I completed my book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom. 

Are you ready to acknowledge that you have lost your faith in love? Read my book and then make believing in love your highest priority! It worked for me… it will work for you!

Feel free to contact me for more information or personal counseling at:


Do you still believe in love?

One of the most important lessons I have learned from my midlife struggles, is the need to be willing to fight for my dreams. This journey began for me back in 2004 (at age 49), when I lost my job and then spent months in introspection.

I focused on this question: What do I need to happen before I die?

I concluded that for myself I needed to find ways to believe in love again. I so wanted to find one genuine love in this lifetime. This book is a summary of what I learned in this process: I fought through a lifetime of tragedy and disappointment, did some serious soul surgery, and changed my perspective on love.

In this way I found new faith in the power of love, made my life worthwhile again, and found a great partner within a few months. We married eight months later.

We celebrated our ten anniversary this week! :)

scan0012With Mike I found true partnership, one where we work together towards shared goals. One of his lifetime goals was to build his own solar custom home with an incredible view.

This is the goal we have been working on for the past few years. So many obstacles have arisen in this process. Leaving behind our life of 20+ years in Fort Collins was our first challenge. I wrote about that extensively on my Midlife Crisis Queen blog in April and May of 2014. Suffice to say this kind of change is never easy, and it’s plain HARD on relationships!

IMGP3099We moved into a 100-year-old little house in Walsenburg Colorado, and put much into storage in June 2014. It took five months just to get a proper slab completed in this rural Colorado county.

IMGP3203We noticed every step of the construction process was costing much more than we had budgeted. We found that our contractor was not taking bids for work, but simply using his regular sub-contractors. At that point Mike decided to take over the contracting part of the process. He took bids from both local and Pueblo companies and cut over 30% off the cost of the electrical and stucco work. Our builder was not happy.

After almost a year of struggle, we were finally ready to complete the inside of our home. We had collected everything we needed to complete the kitchen, baths, etc. The response from our builder? I may be able to get to that in a few weeks. I went ballistic! And of course he hung up on me.

IMGP4056Luckily Mike apologized profusely, and we finished our house the end of July, more than a year after we moved here.  I tell you this NOT to discourage you from pursuing your own unique goals, but to warn you that pursuing dreams can get ugly sometimes.

You must be willing to fight for your dreams…


Are you helping others or your own ego?

“Our prime purpose of this life is to help others. And if you cannot help them, at least don’t hurt them.”  – Dalai Lama

faith and fearI had a fascinating experience yesterday I would like to share with you. I attended a program here that was billed as a talk on “loss” in our small local newspaper. As it turned out, it was instead an opportunity for a local man who has been dealing with a life-threatening illness for the past four years, to speak about what he has learned from his process.

At one point I briefly introduced myself and explained the difficulties I have been having dealing with the loss of my family over their lack of respect for me, and my recent decision to move to rural southern Colorado. 

The group of five individuals were all over 70 and mostly Christian, so I figured I would get a new perspective on my dilemma. What I received instead was what I would term a Christian helping frenzy.

Having been at the other end of helping others for most of my life, being the target of others attempting to help me was a true learning experience. It is always clear to me when someone is trying to help me for the purpose of making themselves feel better.   It feels somehow like they are talking down to me, a kind of “I know and you don’t approach” to problem solving.

On the other hand, one man who introduced himself as a pastor, had a more subtle and loving approach. He helped me the most without needing to talk down to me. His intent was to show me how to love those who don’t know how to love you unconditionally. I appreciated his effort greatly.

On seeking love and appreciation….

tug of warIn the midst of finishing up on one of the biggest dreams of our lives, the completion of our custom solar home in rural southern Colorado, my family has decided to reject us.

To me this is simply the icing on the cake of decades of constant criticism and disrespect. Apparently we do not live up their idea of decent human beings, although neither one of us have any idea why.

This is so difficult to deal with in the midst of pure joy. Their lack of support has been a negative distraction from the real challenges of building a home from the footers up. The whole time I have been working to adjust to life in a new part of the state, I have had their criticisms in the back of my mind.

I am now through with that past:

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”  — Socrates

After 60 years of trying to please them, I have finally given up.

I found a phrase yesterday that I should have been living by for the past 50 years. Listen carefully and live accordingly:


Making Long-term Commitments

“Yeah, he seems pretty cool, but would I want to push him in a wheelchair?” — Amy Schumer

scan0012When it comes to love, the question should always come up: How long do you believe you could commit to this person? Although I have to admit, it didn’t come up for me previously.

Seeing your new love at age 24 and wondering what he will be like as an old man is just, well, weird.

These things do change by age 50 or 60… a lot. My family thinks I made a BIG MISTAKE marrying my present husband at age 50, because he had and still has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and an assortment of other physical problems.

My response is simple.  I relate with Mike better than any other human being I have ever met, and on so many different levels. Yes I have to take care of him sometimes. That is what a relationship is all about. Do not commit to this if you cannot live up to that deal. He was there for me when I fell off my bike and suffered a traumatic brain injury, fractured ribs, etc. I am certain he will be taking care of me more in the future.

We have experienced the lowest lows and the highest highs together, especially in the past few years of moving from a “safe” suburban neighborhood in Fort Collins, and building a home in rural southern Colorado. I would never have taken on something like this with anyone else, and I am certain that what we have experienced together would have destroyed most relationships.

Mike + Laura small versionAmy Schumer is funny because she says what the rest of us may be ashamed to be thinking, but there is still so much truth in asking yourself tough questions when it comes to committing to a long-term kind of love.