The Leap of Faith Needed For Pure Love

talk about your joys“Love is plunging into darkness toward a place that may exist.”  — Marge Piercy

Out of the blue it struck me the other day, exactly how rare it is to feel loved by what I would call a qualified lover.

How often have you felt a lack of judgment, just total acceptance and compassion from another human being, with no expectations of anything in return? How many people have never had this experience, ever?

If you have ever experienced this, were you able to accept such pure love in the moment? Were you able to look past all of your faults and feelings of unworthiness and acknowledge,

“I am now loved.”

The joy I feel when I slow down enough to fully feel all of the love in my life is breathtaking. And I know for certain that there was no room for this love before I hit bottom in 2004.

leap_of_faithWhat changed?   Me.

I stopped denying how much I wanted to feel pure love. I took a gigantic leap of faith and admitted honestly to myself that my only real priority at age 49, was to feel pure love once in this lifetime.

I finally went all in, and said to myself I would not accept anything less, realizing that would require me to offer my best in return.

I was ready to grow up and take full responsibility for my own needs, and by doing so I felt certain that I would know when I met a qualified lover for myself.

And I did. The first man I met after all of this soul surgery came calling, and we both knew quite quickly that we had met our match. Trust was the name of the game back then, so we built it slowly and carefully.

the time is nowWe both equally valued the amazing match we had made. We knew from 50 years of experience what we had was rare and so beautiful. We spoke often and honestly, expressed our many insecurities, and built respect and trust constantly.

And now, eleven years later, I can only say to you, “Go for it!”

Release a bit of your own familiar today!

hope-despair“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”   – Alan Cohen

How “playing it safe” can be dangerous!

adulthood is like looking both waysActually, this reminds me more of my experience at midlife. I had lived my entire life so carefully, remaining single until 39, and then in a bad marriage and the wrong career, just to “play it safe.” Then when my major crisis hit at age 49, I felt so perplexed.

I remember saying to myself: “I spent my entire life playing it safe, just so I wouldn’t end up like this!”

Too bad I had to wait so long to learn exactly how dangerous “playing it safe” can be!

if-you-obey-all-the-rules-you-miss-all-the-fun Katherine HepburnNow, at age 60, I agree much more with Katherine Hepburn: So many rules, so little time to break them! I break those little rules in my head all of the time now. In fact I try to break at least one a day!

Do you have silly rules that keep you from getting the life you really want?

tell negative committee to shut upDo you have your own ‘itsy bitsy shitty committee’ in your head, that keeps telling you: “You shouldn’t do that!” Does it tell you regularly that you can’t possibly find the kind of love you seek? Tell it to SHUT UP right now, and then go out and find the best kind of love you can!

That’s what I did at age 49. I stopped focusing on the negative experiences in my past, and moved on to the kind of love I had always been looking for, and it worked!

past better not bitterNow, eleven years later, I am living a marvelous life in a solar home in southern Colorado with a prince of a partner, one who would not think of criticizing me. He believes in me!

the time is nowLove is real and the only thing that counts in the end.

Decide that you will somehow find your best kind of love, and then go out and find it TODAY!

If you feel you need some help in this difficult transition from negative to positive, please check out my book! And for some more excellent reading on this topic, check out this article by one of my favorite writers!

Bad News: Post-Valentine’s Day Is The Peak Season for Separation and Divorce

divorce1As resolutions for a new year die, family attorneys everywhere prepare for the onslaught of separations and divorce filings.

Did you know that lawyers’ offices usually fill with spouses seeking divorce after “the holidays?” When all of that family togetherness did not magically heal their marriage, matrimonial bliss takes a tumble. In addition to failed expectations, the holidays can cause financial and family pressures to soar!

According to a 2012 study published in The Family Relations Journal, “Examining the Relationship Between Financial Issues and Divorce,” researchers Jeffrey Dew, Sonya Britt and Sandra Huston found that most couples argue about their children, money, in-laws and quality time – or a lack thereof – with financial arguments being the most likely predictor of divorce.

So if you, too, have felt outraged by a lack of holiday joy in your partner, I offer a few words to the wise on how to make the post-holiday bliss transition from unhappily married to single and ready to mingle.

Don’t let Valentine’s Day disappoint. Valentine’s is the holiday of love. Unfortunately it often can amplify the disappointment in a relationship without romance.

A recent survey shows the top things couples fight about:

1. Someone making a mess around the house.

2. Money.

3. Chores.

4. Relatives.

5. The children.

6. Sex.

7. Going out.

8. Past relationships.

Don’t let the post-Valentine’s Day blues get you down. Just decide for yourself where you want your life to go next and do it. Don’t blame others if you cannot create the life you most desire. You decide what’s next for you!

Are You Living in Fear or Love?

It seems like a natural human instinct to hold back from loving others wholeheartedly. After all, that so often leads to great pain. I have a number of difficult memories of times when I have fought this battle within myself.

Counseling helped me to stop defending against those who truly love me, and give back wholeheartedly. I remember one particular workshop I attended where we were told to simply sit silently and receive love from another human being. Try that sometime if you think it’s easy! The trick is in convincing yourself that the love, support, affection, attention you will receive in love, will be worth the pain of its natural impermanence.

First you must be able to actually receive love, take it into your heart and believe this person truly cares about you. This has always been a challenge to me, believing that this wonderful person in my life finds me wonderful. This can be such an amazing feeling if you can learn to simply let it all in!

Valentines Day flowers
My Advice: Don’t Hold Back, Open Wholeheartedly to Love!

Here’s the deal, you only have one short lifetime. Do you want to spend it fending off the love of others? Fear is no way to live in my opinion, and I lived that way for decades of my life. Yes, you may have a little less pain, but think of all the joy you will miss!

Now I, of all people, know this is no easy process to switch from fear to love in your approach to life, but please trust me, it is so worth the effort. There are excellent counselors everywhere who would love to help you trust and believe in love again. You just have to decide to be open to a different way of seeing and experiencing your life.

That is my Valentine’s Day present to you, the knowledge that love will be worth it, if you are willing to open to its power.

“In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”
Gautama Buddha