The Amazing Power of Love & Passion

Our passions choose us. We do not choose our passions.

When I think back over the passions I have pursued in my sixty years on this planet, I know for certain that they chose me. As I lived my life, various topics excited my passions for unclear reasons. It perhaps had the most to do with who I am.

One life-long passion has been the pursuit of knowledge on so many topics. I think of my mind as a sponge that cannot wait to learn more in so many different areas. That’s one of the reasons why working as a reference librarian suited me so well. I tried specializing a number of times, but found I had far too many interests.

Thailand_1973 Photo for blogFirst and foremost I loved psychology, and still do. Then I became fascinated with Asia after living in Thailand at age 19. I pursued that passion through my undergrad degree and one graduate degree, but chose not to pursue the level of specialization required for a PhD. I could not see myself as a professor.

Being a librarian worked for me to some extent. I always said I would stay a librarian until something better came along. I completed a graduate degree in counseling psychology in 1995 and when I was forced out of my reference job in 2004, I moved on to professional writer and psychotherapist. One of my passions at that point was to work for myself for the rest of my life. Enough ridiculous bosses already!

After losing my job, I searched my soul for months and found that my next passion was to understand love. Love was the only thing that made my life worthwhile at that point in time. It was my goal to find one true love before I died.

By focusing all of my energy on starting my own dating service and interviewing hundreds of new members, I learned so much about the barriers to finding love later in life, the major one being a lost faith in love.

Why would anyone put themselves through that again? The risk/reward equation looked like a losing proposition to many I spoke to. I came to realize that the greatest barrier to finding love later in life was simply believing that love was possible and perhaps even inevitable with a renewed belief in its power.

By doing a fair amount of ‘soul surgery’ and then focusing all of my energy on believing in love again, love became inevitable for me. A few months later I met Mike through We both knew very quickly that we had met our match, and yes, love is lovelier the second time around!

After a few years of marital bliss, I decided to write  How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust And Your Own Inner Wisdom to share what I had learned about believing in love after so many life disappointments.

Most importantly I learned not to give up if you passionately want to experience love in this lifetime:

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”  — Christopher Reeve

What is the meaning of life?

faith and fearWith all of the fear around us this week, it may feel like fear rules. That is what those who know nothing else, wish us to feel.

But there is an alternative and I wish it for all of you. This song by Wynonna Judd summarizes these feelings for me. Please go listen…  This song captures for me one of the greatest lessons of my life. It took me decades to learn that love was the best reason to continue to exist.

Soon after that discovery, I focused all of my energy and mental power on finding love just once in this lifetime. Then a wonderful teacher appeared to teach me even more about loving another person well, heart and soul.

falling in love rocksAfter ten years I know Mike is not a perfect person, but he does know how to love and care for others, and I feel honored that he chose me to love so completely.

Our love story could be any 40-year-old’s dream, which explains why ‘Falling in Love at 49’ on my previous blog “Midlife Crisis Queen” has been enjoyed by tens of thousands of readers.

Love is certainly lovelier the second time around!

Although we have faced so many challenges as a couple, we now stand together, come what may, in a solar home of our choosing. We built this home ourselves and plan to stay here until the end.

In our case, love will conquer all.

Do you believe in yourself?

It seems like such a simple question and yet it is not, not when others challenge your belief in yourself and your purpose.

Dad Laura Diane and John small January 1961When I was younger and I did not know who I was, I would pretend to be someone else, someone more agreeable and, I thought, more lovable. That way nobody had to know me… it felt safer that way.

When my midlife crisis struck, I decided it was now or never. The total transition did not start for me until my 40s. I got rid of my husband and started appreciating my true self.

I thought: For better or for worse, this is me!

first rate version of selfBecause I started being me I met more people like me, and could relate so much better to them. I found a life partner who meshed perfectly with my way of being in the world, and we have created the life we only dreamed of before we met…

I am now 60 and my life has improved 500% since I started being me! I always listen to my own inner wisdom and try to appreciate all that I am. I try to be a first-rate version of myself everyday, and I can certainly encourage you to have the courage to do the same at any age!

But when others are critical and mean, try this method of evaluating their words. Do their opinions have merit? What feels true about their words and what feels simply critical? Do their words benefit you in any way?

tin sign please meDon’t let others’ words define you. Only YOU can decide who YOU are.  

Be magnificent.  Be powerful.  Be you for you.

A Daily Guide to Growing LOVE

Lori DeschenTechnology and social media have made it easier than ever to connect with others, and yet so many of us feel emotionally disconnected and lost.

After struggling with your own feelings of depression and isolation for years, Lori Deschene DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

She founded, a place for people to contribute, reflect, and connect over simple wisdom that is easy to implement in our daily lives.

Since 2009, Lori and has inspired over 55 million readers to discover hope and healing.

Tiny Buddhas love challengesWith her new book, Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges, Lori hopes to improve relationships and increase happiness.

Here she delivers daily doses of insight and wisdom with changing monthly themes like kindness, compassion and honesty. This lovely purple volume also includes weekly inspirational stories from Tiny Buddha community members, creative daily challenges, and questions for reflection.

Do yourself a favor. Go buy this book and do the exercises every day for a year! Guaranteed to help you attract healthier relationships and develop closer bonds with those you love, especially yourself!

The FIVE best reasons to get married!

Mr. Right frig magnetIf you are good at working out your differences,  you share common interests,  and your partner fills your needs and not just your wants, perhaps you should consider making this relationship more permanent. If you desire the same kind of lifestyle in your future, and you make each other feel special in the long term, marriage may be a good choice for you.

HOWEVER, if you’re marrying to escape family or personal problems, if you’re simply infatuated, or expecting marriage to solve your personal problems, forget it.

You are living in a dream world that does not exist in reality.


Ask yourself NOW:

Would you want to marry yourself, knowing your deepest challenges?

Do you struggle with self-esteem issues or depression? Your new partner cannot fix those for you. They will only tire of dealing with them constantly. Worse, you will probably unconsciously choose a partner with similar issues.

I have discovered that there is a strange form of justice in relationships: YOU GET WHAT YOU ARE, so spend time working on yourself.

Remember, marriage can never resolve any of your own personal problems, it will probably only magnify them in the long run.     You will only be bringing more problems into the relationship, problems you alone can solve through counseling, or some other form of intense personal work on yourself and your self image.

These are the reasons I remained alone for four years after my own divorce, to work on my self-esteem and re-learn how to love myself. Grieving the divorce and the mistakes I made in my past, made me more ready to recognize and appreciate new love when it arrived at my door in 2005.  Lots of personal work and running my own dating service also helped!

Read How To Believe In Love Again to learn more about how this transition occurs!